Sued by Santa!
by Eyes like Dawn
Summary: Crack-fic. Justice Leauge gets sued by none other than Saint Nick R&R


_A/N: Just a thought that refused to leave me alone. R&R if you like it._

~8~8~

"I can't believe we're being sued." Superman grumbled quietly, shaking his head in disbelief. He was the first in a row of hard wooden chairs lined up in a small hot courtroom.

The fans overhead whirled lazily, and huge windows thrown open were little help with the room jam packed with, heroes, bailiffs, reporters, and villains who had come to watch the unusual spectacle.

In the early hours of dawn, all across the world, as people were rolling out of bed, and paper boys were throwing fresh newspapers from their bikes, people gasped in shock, their bleary eyes wide as they read the huge headline in jet black ink.

**JUSTICE LEAUGE SUED BY SANTA CLAUS!**

"I can't believe it didn't happen sooner." Bruce replied darkly, there was a snarl in the snap of his monotone voice that gave away that he was furious. The Dark Night slid grumpily into his seat at the snickers echoing from behind in the spectator's seats.

"We could make an excuse of having to save the planet if half of our enemies weren't right behind us. " Diana snorted peevishly, jerking her thumb behind her. Everyone from Lex Luther to Cat-man was stuffed into the court for front row seats. To hell with getting caught, half of the criminals had escaped jail (yet again) to witness the day. To think, the Justice League sued!

"I don't even know how I got wrangled into this fiasco." The voice of Darksied rumbled. The huge gray overlord of Apockolips sat at the very end of the row of chairs. His bugling stone like arms were crossed as he scanned the room looking at the sweating nervous bailiffs who rapped their trembling fingers along the cool steel of their cuffs and guns.

Across their table sat a plump elder man in a red lawyer's suit. A briefcase that was covered in Christmas Lights sat on the table open and filled with manila envelopes. His snow white beard fell across his chest, and his charcoal black eyes were narrowed towards the heroes.

"All rise!" A heavy bass croaked from the front of the court. The poor fellow looked like he was about to faint with so many villains and heroes in such close proximity. Swallow hard; he wiped his dripping brow forcing himself to continue. "All rises, court is now the honorable Jacob Presley presiding!"

Loud scuffling roared through the room as chair moved and the sea of people nearly rose as one. From a small side door a little man, with a small hump shuffled to his bench. Thin wisps of gray hair drifted in the hot air and his glasses sat on the very edge of his hawk like nose. He clutched his gavel as if it were the last thing on earth he possessed before clearing his throat. "You may be seated." He squeaked nervously pushing his tiny spectacle up further onto his face.

With shaking hand he scanned the hefty piles of paper sitting on his desk, looking over his glasses and grumbling to himself. "Santa VS Justice League." Turning to the not so jolly Mr. Claus he waved his hand towards him regally. "You may begin, Mr. Claus."

Old Saint Nick grunted as he rose from his chair. A hand clasped the side of his jacket, the other digging into his pocket as he smiled charmingly at the judge. "Thank you, your honor, and may I just say you've been a very good boy this year, you may just get that glossy cherry red mustang convertible with the soft top and wide rims you wished for."

"Objection!" Harvey Dent, appointed lawyer for the Justice league gurgled. He slammed the table pointed to the plump old man. "Your honor he is blatantly bribing you!"

"Sustained." Presley replied strictly. "Turning back to Mr. Claus he glared at him sternly. "None of that now, and make the insides plush leather please." He finished trying to mask it as a cough.

The League groaned in unison as the Jolly old man flashed them a wicked smirk. "I can already tell this won't end well. " Hawkman grumbled, his plumage drooping.

"How did we even get Two-face as our Lawyer?" Green arrow asked glaring at the villain who was busy listening intently to Santa Clause begin his case.

"He was the only one who'd take us." Batman replied. "Everyone else was too scared; they said Santa wouldn't bring them anything good this year.

"This is stupid, why don't we just walk out of here? We're earth's protectors!" Diana hissed fiercely making the bailiff beside her scramble away in fear.

Clark sighed as he turned to her, looking like a patient parent. "Because we must show the people of earth we are not above the law. We to must follow orders and pay for mistake. If it was a villain, they wouldn't even be taken seriously, but Santa, well, who doesn't love Santa."

"Quiet there!" The judge yelled rapping his gavel down officiously. Sniffing surreptitiously the judge adjusted his glasses again before holding up a slip of paper. "Let me read the charges."

"Superman-charged with overstepping property boundaries with his so called 'Fortress of Solitude.' Batman- beating up elves who try to help Santa in Gotham. Wonder woman- hit and run, and no visible license plates for the Invisible jet- Aqua man- charged with assault and battery. Green Arrow – one count of murder to a reindeer. Mrs. Blitzen has my condolences. J'onn Jonzz- Charged with forgery and imitation…"

As the list went on the snickers and all out laughter from the spectators grew louder. Superman slumped in his seat covering his eyes and trying to tune them out. Diana had been right; this was going to be a very bad day.


End file.
